


Masks and Yearnings

by Holde_Maid



Category: Highlander: The Series
Genre: Originally Posted on LiveJournal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-07-02
Updated: 2008-07-07
Packaged: 2018-07-18 21:22:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7331116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Holde_Maid/pseuds/Holde_Maid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chapter 1 is a depressing Amanda ficlet. And since I'm not good with unhappy endings, there is a second ficlet to be found in Chapter 2.  ;-)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Neither Amanda nor the Highlander universes belong to me. I make no profit, unless you count kindly comments, and I mean no harm or copyright infringement.

Amanda was sitting in her comfy first class compartment, watching the landscape as the train passed through. Something was odd here. She looked out over vast fields, farm houses, ... It all seemed just fine, as it ought to be, and yet she knew in her heart that something was amiss.  
  
The train entered a wood – well, the tracks cut through it mercilessly. But then, train tracks always had. Even way back when she had lived here. She had been afraid of the wolves.  
  
Suddenly realisation hit her and cramped her stomach. It couldn't be, could it?  
  
She watched the landscape pass more attentively. No, it was true, indeed. No life out there. Not a living thing. No deer in the fields. Not so much as a fox crossing the tracks. No wolves howling in the distance. No birds. Not even dead birds, in fact. There was neither life nor death to be seen – though there might have been someone in that big harvesting machine she'd seen a few minutes ago.  
  
Hmm, so. Could it be true? Had they really introduced The First Autopiloted Train here, of all places, for a reason so shocking nobody even dared speak it?  
  
A shadow in the corner of her eye caught her attention A bird. A swallow. And it seemed to catch insects, so... Obviously it was her train of thought that had been autopiloted. And Kristof had programmed the autopilot, to be sure.  
He had told her that taking the train would open her eyes and as an Immortal she'd live to speak of it... Who the heck knew what he had meant by that, anyway? The awful part was that he had almost...  
  
Oh, no.  
  
She shivered. Sometimes memories welled up and reminded Amanda that her sanity was hanging but by a thread. Hanging precariously, that was, above unchartered abysses. You never knew what triggered these moments – a landscape, a smile, Methos cursing in a Norman dialect. Kristof's dark and enigmatic tales.  
  
Maybe it hadn't been Kristof, but what did it matter? The effect was devastating enough to threaten her poise. The steel corselet of self-discipline that held her upright had suddenly crumbled, that was all that mattered.  
  
Whenever it happened, rivers called to her, drew her, pulled her down.  
No, she had not tried to drown herself often. There was no point. It was better to smile brightly, go meet people and dance her frustration off. Or go on some incredibly stupid stint and steal from someone dangerous.  
  
But here? There was nothing to steal, save the train itself, and she couldn't get to the rivers it passed. What was she going to do here? Damn Kristof! She should have known. Why hadn't she been more suspicious when he'd suddenly withdrawn, saying he couldn't go with her?  
  
Why did she even consent to meet him time and again? The sheer sight of him made her recoil, despite his good looks. And yet she went to meet him every time he called. Somehow he got her to relax while he spun is gruesome tales in light tones...  
  
She shook her head. Going to see Kristof was like going to watch a good horror movie. You thought you knew what to expect, but somehow it got to you, anyway. Except it never got to you then and there. Not really.  
  
Amanda knew well that Kristof would never hurt her physically. That made it so much more difficult not to listen to his delightful voice and the words that crept into your psyche like a worm, ready to grow and feed on anything that happened then. Even fleeing into one of her lovers' warm embraces wasn't much of an option, though it helped for a while.  
  
She looked out over the grass land they were now entering. If only Duncan were here. Or Stanley. Or... Ugh. Anyone, really.  
  
_No, Kristof. It's not opening my eyes. I've always known I'm alone._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As I said, I'm not good with cheerless endings.

Amanda was staring out of the window, her eyes wide and unseeing. She felt very very tired. Too tired to get up and find company. Surely there'd be people in the dining car...   
Too tired.  
  
She'd go in a moment, when the yearning in her belly stopped pulling her towards the window. Rivers were glinting in the distance, and her fingers traced them across the windowpane. Her manicured nails screeched painfully across the glass. Little hairs stood on end. She shivered.  
  
 _*Discipline, Amanda. En garde.*_  
  
She straightened her back and hastened out of the compartment. Where was the dining car?  
  
******************  
  
As she entered the car, Amanda froze. A figure at the far end rose and approached her. She forced a smile onto her features.  
  
"Ah, Amanda. I knew you'd join me eventually."  
  
"Kristof, you bad boy, you said you weren't available!"  
  
He took her arm and guided her to his table. "Unforgivable, I know, but can't you forgive me just this once?" The look he was giving her qualified for the label "puppy dog".  
  
She forced the smile deeper into her face. "Maybe just this once." Meanwhile, fear was lashing her thoughts into a sprint. Was she safe here? Safe enough?  
  
Kristof had lowered his gaze. Now he said in a low tone, "I was afraid."  
  
Amanada had trouble keeping her jaw from dropping to the floor. "Afraid?"  
  
"You frighten me." He met her eyes. "I have scared everyone away when I felt they got too close. Everyone but you. Nothing scares you." He looked away quickly. "I wish I were like you."  
  
The tiny frozen icicle that was her lungs exploded into a cloud of feathers, and for the first time with Kristof, her laughter was genuine. "Don't wish for it, silly. You're sweet enough, shy as you are." It was odd to say that, and stranger still to mean it. Now what was she to make of this? What was she to do with Kristof?  
  
One thing was certain: she wouldn't tell him what rivers meant to her. Oh, and: The yearning was gone, and her mask still in place.  
  
Yes, safe enough.

**Author's Note:**

> My apologies for releasing this unpolished and as is - I'm afraid I just don't have the time for polishing right now. Feedback and constructive criticism are welcome, though. :-)


End file.
